Rachel: 1. Satan's Duck: 0.

I had a face-off today with a rather large duck. And when I say rather large, I mean half as big as me. Granted, I'm a very small person; this may mean it was a normal-sized duck. But I was coming home from one of three failed midterms of the week, and I was feeling none too tall.

And then I saw him: the Duck of Beelzebub rose up on his horrible, webbed feet and raised his head, nearly reaching my eye level. I thought of that old saying that animals can smell fear, and deliberately kept my pace as I came down the Stairs of Death, waiting for the duck to make the first move. From fifteen feet away, I saw the duck's chest expand as it filled its lungs and proceeded to quack aggressively in my direction. As I came closer, the duck's quacking became more obnoxious, and the fowl's eyes showed no hesitation to charge me, should I refuse to immediately acknowledge its dominance.

Which, of course, refuse I did. Not one to kowtow to such paltry poultry, and being rather angstful myself, I looked the duck straight in the eye. I filled my own lungs (larger, fortunately, than the duck's) and retaliated mercilessly, angrily quacking that duck to shame! He looked surprised and a little frightened for a moment, then sat down quietly and became very interested in his own feathers. I smiled at my accomplishment. Whatever else I may fail in, this I know: I am the Alpha Duck.